;(

I'm tired of trying, sick of crying, i know i've been smiling, but inside i'm dying. Maybe one day it will be ok again. That's all i want. I don't care what it takes. I just want to be ok again. When i was younger crying always seemed to be the answer. Now that i'm older crying seems to be the only option. i guess there comes a point where you just have to stop trying because it hurts too much to hold on anymore. You say i'm always happy, and that i'm good at what i do, but what you'll never realize is, I'm a damn good actress too. Just because i'm smiling doesn't mean i'm happy. i don't necessarily want to be happy and i just want to stop feeling miserable. I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiled. The one who could brighten up your day, even if she couldn't brighten her own. hmm. I don't like people to see me cry. I dont like to cry in general, and I haven't had a legit cry since i was emm dont know when, I don't know what i want in life. I don't know what i want right now. All i know is that i'm hurting so much inside that it's eating me, and one day, there won't be any of me left. I don't know if i'm getting better or just used to the pain. hmm. Maybe i am crazy but laughing makes the pain pass by. You look at me and think, 'she's so happy' but there's so much behind this little smile that you will never know. Sometimes i think that if i wasn't so good at pretending to be, i'd be better at actually being happy. Okey maybe my english is no better than you all but whatever lah. i just can smile :) take care ..